Happy Anniversary Part Deux

I left the last entry talking about being around people who were like us. Throughout middle school and high school I never felt like I fit in. Because I moved here at such a young age and emerged into the culture so rapidly, I lost my accent so most people didn't realize that I was Mexican. During my middle school and high school years, it was difficult fitting in because I wasn't Mexican enough for the Latinos in my classes. I didn't like banda music, wear Ben Davis pants and flannel shirts & wear crazy ass black eye liner. Sounds stereotypical but that is what the majority of the Latino kids in my school were like and I was not like them. But because I did like Spanish rock and didn't have an American childhood as compared to the other kids in school, I couldn't connect with the American kids. I was sort of stuck in the middle. It's hard enough to fit in while in high school and adding the fact that I wasn't the type of Mexican kid people expected me to be didn't help. Middle school and high school flew by and to be honest, I have no desire to think about that time in my life. During those years I had a tumultuous relationship with both of my parents due to my teenage hormones, my grandmother passed away and that is when I found out my dad had cheated on my mom. I don't have those awesome high school memories that most people have. I started working when I was 15 so if I wasn't at school, I was at work. I started working as soon as I could because I wanted a way out of my parent's house. A positive of those years is that I was more responsible and mature than most kids my age. I had a goal and was trying to do everything I could possibly do to reach it. I have to admit that I was fairly lucky not to have faced a lot of discrimination during those years. I think because of my lack of accent and the fact that my skin is lighter so I really don't look Mexican I wasn't as exposed to that. I know that both my parents were because they both have heavy accents. I guess I lucked out in that aspect.

After high school was over, I worked all summer long and left for college. This was a big deal to me because I was paying for it on my own. My parents both told me that they would not support me financially if I went to a school so far away. They wanted me to go to the local community college or local state school. But as a teenager the only thing I wanted to do was get the heck out of my town and since I had gotten accepted to a school in Orange County, I decided to go for it. With savings, grants and student loans, I was able to finance my first year in college and pay for my dorms. To me this was a big deal because most of my cousins had had their parents pay for their schooling or had dropped out of school. This was something I could be proud of. But what happens when an 18 year old who had very controlling parents leaves the nest? You guessed it…PARTY TIME! I will always remember my first year on my own as the most fun I ever had. I met a lot of really cool people during my first year but I partied too much. I did a lot of stupid things and put myself in very shady situations. I partied myself out of my student loans and got kicked out of school. I think I was mesmerized in the fact that I was free to do what I wanted to do and what I wanted to do was have fun. I went to raves, frat parties, made Tijuana runs with my roommates, experimented with recreational drugs and had a good old time. I stayed in Orange County for another 6 months after my freshman year and was working two jobs barely making any money. That winter I went to Mexico for Christmas break and I remember seeing some of my cousins who were all in school and getting good jobs and realized that I was throwing away a great opportunity that I had been given. I moved back home and didn't really want to go to school so I got a job at a bank. I sort of settled down a bit and was responsible once again. I went back to school and concentrated on what was important in life.

I am still a resident of the US but have started the paper work to become a citizen. I am proud of my Mexican heritage but I have lived 2/3 of my life in the US. I think it's time that I become a citizen. I am not sure why I was opposed to it but during the past election, I was rooting for Obama and was upset with myself that I couldn't vote. I think for quite some time I took for granted what I had been given. Even now at times I forget how much I struggled in my first few years here and how hard I had to work for things. This country truly is the land of opportunity but you have to work for it. It isn't given to you.